FOR RELEASE THE WEEK OF JULY 29, 2001:
During their summer vacations, when I have more time to spend with my kids, I find myself spending that time picking at them for all their little faults rather than enjoying their company. Is it better to spend more time apart than to react this way to their getting on my nerves?
Not necessarily, says Harriet Shaklee, University of Idaho Extension specialist. What's best is to spend time catching your children being good.
"Take note and compliment your children for the times they are meeting your expectations," Shaklee says. "Children will cut up, challenge you and misbehave, but make sure they hear far more positive than negative responses from you in any given day."
Those positive communications clarify to your children how much you enjoy it when they meet your expectations. When they're helpful to their siblings, take their dishes to the sink without complaining, go to bed cooperatively without arguing and so forth, let them know how much you appreciate that.
"Anytime that you can strengthen the behaviors that you want to see, do it," says Shaklee. "Children really enjoy their parents' positive regard. Guidance is the strongest tool that parents have."
The football coach at our son's high school is recruiting him very aggressively. We would prefer that our son not play football and have communicated our feelings to him. Nevertheless, he and the coach are still discussing his joining the team. Should we approach the coach again and insist that he back off?
Linda Webb, University of Idaho 4-H/youth development specialist, advises against doing that. "If your son really wants to play football and you really don't want him to, then your conflict is with your son--not with the coach--and that's the conflict you need to address."
If you take the matter up with the coach instead, you are shutting down, rather than opening up, your communication channels with your son. "Teens need to know that they can discuss conflicts freely with their parents and that, even if they disagree, they can come up with a compromise," Webb says.
Sit down and talk with your son again. Try to reach an agreement on the types of extracurricular activities that are beneficial and appropriate for him and consistent with his other time commitments to school, family and work. If he still insists on playing football, remember that the human development task for the teen years is to gain independence and that "teens are going to do what they have to do get it."
"It's a growth experience for all involved--and kind of that first really 'letting go' by the parent," Webb says. "Wouldn't it be better that he goes against your wishes on playing football rather than going against your wishes on doing drugs?"
I found some shield-shaped green bugs, about the size of thumbnail, on my raspberries, and a few of my berries have had a real nasty, pungent taste. Are the bugs responsible for the bad flavor? If so, what are they and what can I do to get rid of them?
Sounds like your raspberries have attracted stinkbugs, whose shield-shaped adults are either green or brown with large triangles on their backs. And, yes, those stinkbugs secrete a fluid while they're feeding on a berry that makes it taste just awful, although it's not poisonous, says Bob Stoltz, University of Idaho Extension entomologist.
Check your raspberries carefully. You'll probably find immature stinkbugs on the leaves, flowers or fruit: they look like wingless lady bugs or like small black balls that have been cut in half. If you come across white, barrel-shaped eggs laid in groups, those are stinkbug eggs. You can get some control simply by rubbing them out.
Additional control can be tricky, especially during picking season, because many chemicals require an interval of time between spraying and harvesting. To control the immature stinkbugs, Stoltz recommends insecticidal soap or--if the harvest interval on your product label allows it--neem or malathion.
The same chemicals can be used on adult stinkbugs, but likely with less success. "If you have to use something else to control the adults, you may have to wait longer to harvest your berries," he says. "If there aren't too many of them, pick them off and stomp on them."
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