FOR RELEASE THE WEEK OF JAN. 27, 2002:

My mother is very seriously ill and is preparing for her death. I have two small children, 3 and 5. How can I help them cope with this?

Start now by talking about death with your children, says Diane Demarest, University of Idaho coordinator of the Parents as Teachers demonstration project. Be calm, truthful and realistic. Use the word “death” and don’t describe it as sleeping or going on a long journey. Explain that death is final, that all bodily functions stop and that bodies are buried or cremated. Assure your children that death happens because of old age, severe illness or tragic accident—never because of another’s bad wishes, thoughts, feelings or not being nice.

When your mother dies, tell your children about it right away. Don’t whisper or hide your own grief from them. Encourage them to express their feelings and ask questions. Allow them to attend the funeral or memorial service to show their love, but tell them what will happen there before you go.

Afterward, continue talking to your children about your mother, Demarest says. “While you’re hugging and holding them, tell stories about Grandma and look at pictures together.”

By modeling your own grief and continuing to talk about your loved one, you will teach your children that sadness may last a long time but so will wonderful memories.

What is the best way to trim a young willow tree? We have a couple of year-old willows that are constantly growing limbs clear down to the ground. How far up should we keep these clipped? Tasha Clinton, New Plymouth

Willows are popular additions to landscapes because they grow rapidly, add a light, airy appearance and lend themselves to heavy, wet soils, says Dan Barney, University of Idaho horticulturist. They also range from low-growing shrubs to tall trees.

With all of these pluses, willows must of course have some minuses. They are “dirty” plants that drop leaves and twigs throughout the year. And, as you’ve discovered, they demand lots of pruning to keep them presentable.

Let young trees develop strong, inch-and-a-half diameter trunks before pruning off all of the lower branches, Barney advises. As the trees mature, use your fingers to rub from the trunk any soft, new shoots that you don’t want. The best time to do this is spring through fall.

From late fall to early spring, it’s safe to make large cuts on older trees. Prune side branches up to whatever height is convenient and attractive, but don’t remove more than about a third of the leaves and branches in any given year. Keep the trees balanced and avoid lollipop-shaped, top-heavy forms.

Unless you want a clump of trees, remove shoots and suckers that develop from the soil or lower trunk at any time of the year.

What should I keep in my new refrigerator’s “meat” drawer?

It may seem obvious, but this is something you should think about, says Sandy McCurdy, University of Idaho Extension food safety specialist. That’s because the meat drawer is a place where cross-contamination of raw and ready-to-eat foods can occur.

Make a conscious attempt to store either ready-to-eat foods—like deli meats, pre-cooked meats and cheeses—or raw meats in the drawer, but not both, McCurdy says. Then ask the rest of the family to maintain this storage regime.

No matter where you store them—in the meat drawer or on refrigerator shelves—always place raw meats in a pan or on a plate with edges. The store wrapping tends to leak raw meat juices, which should not be allowed to touch other foods or to contaminate your refrigerator shelves or bins.

Both my husband and I have well-paying careers, but our teenagers show no signs of aspiring to anything beyond entry-level jobs. Is there anything we can do to get them interested in college?

Not all kids can be tempted into professional careers—nor should they—but parents can help by communicating the positive aspects of their jobs and not simply bringing home their frustrations and complaints. According to Harriet Shaklee, University of Idaho Extension family development specialist, a recent study of the children of working moms found that the kids believed their mothers’ workdays were largely unsatisfying. “If we don’t tell them, how will they know that today was a pretty stimulating day?” she asks.

In addition to sharing your working experiences more fully with your kids, it’s important to share with them your family’s economic realities, Shaklee says. Do your kids understand what it takes to support the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed? Encourage them to research and identify occupational niches that they think they might enjoy and that will also allow them to support themselves and their future families.

“Pair up on activities with other families whose kids are college-bound,” Shaklee suggests. “And take your kids to campuses to show them that college students really do have a pretty good time.”

[READERS: Do you have a question about your home, yard or garden? Send it to HomeWise, University of Idaho Ag Communications, Moscow, ID 83844-2332 or e-mail it to homewise@uidaho.edu. Mention of proprietary products or firms does not constitute endorsement by University of Idaho Extension or imply approval to the exclusion of other suitable products or firms.]